Monday, March 7, 2011

I Like To Call Them Purse Rats

Owning animals is really a form of complete and total narcissism.

I was sitting on the subway today and there was a young-ish sort of woman holding an overpriced purse that contained an overpriced tiny dog-like creature.  She, of course, was surrounded by people fawning over the poor, shaking creature - everyone pontificating on the cuteness of the "dog". And she was eating up the attention.  

The woman, not the dog.

She was just basking in the attention these strangers were giving to her dog and, by proxy, her.  Obviously her parents didn't give her enough attention when she was a child,  because she was gobbling every "ooh" and "ahhh" her audience would give.  

I am not saying that she didn't love the animal.  I am sure she adores her little puppy-mill after-effect.  

It hit me then that this woman would be a terrible mother.

Those small animals are substitutes for babies.  We all know this.  One of the reasons that women get pets is to be able to exercise their mother-ly instincts when they have no offspring of their own to attend to.  They are the living version of a doll - something that loves you unconditionally in a way that you determine (like the doll) and now (unlike the doll) can show you exactly how much they love you need you more than any other creature ever would because their survival depends entirely on you.  It is the way that these women would want their babies to react - to love them completely because their survival depends entirely on them

This means that this woman on the subway would use her child's existence as a way to further her own self esteem, and give her narcissism a whole new form.

And I feel bad for those poor dogs too.  Let's completely forget and forgive the overbearing owners that make the animal wear clothes and jewelry.  I feel bad for them because these designer dogs (the ones that are a combination of two pure bred dogs) somehow end up with the crappy genes from both dog.  Those kind of dogs always seem slightly retarded to me.  Their eyes never look in the same direction, they continually tremble like Hitler's been shouting at them about being exterminated and they always seem to have some kind of nervous behavioral problem.

I have always wondered what will happen to these dogs in the future.  There are already so many of them that have been given up by their owners when they realize its too much responsibility to actually care for another living creature.  If the apocalypse comes and all these tiny dogs get away, what will happen?  Will we have roaming packs of wild puggles and cockapoos, bloodthirsty and adorable?  When you try to travel from town to town will you have to have a tennis racket at the ready, just in case you need to fend off morkies and snorkies in a ravenous rage?   

They're like the gnats of the dogs world.

Now I have to go fed my two cats and get off on their disdain for me and all I stand for.  What does that say about me, I wonder?

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