Monday, March 14, 2011

Even Those Close Encounters Aliens Were Petrifying

I was speaking with a friend of mine today about all the craziness that's been going on in the world - Japan's earthquake, tsunamis, terrorist attacks, etc. - and naturally we started talking about aliens.


Natural disasters at this point in human history will always direct me to that fateful day we have coming to us - December 21st, 2012.  The Mayan calendar (well, one of them) ends on that day.  This has lead to all kinds of theories - an end of the world, the apocalypse, aliens coming (back?) to enlighten us all.

An interesting fact - the notion of an apocalypse in the Mayan tradition did not mean fire and brimstone and death death death.  It actually had more to do with a universal shift in thinking, an enlightenment, a change in the way the world around us is perceived.

See, that would be cool and totally acceptable.

I have something to confess.  Aliens scare the crap outta me.  Movies and 'documentaries' about alien abduction will mean at least a week of having to sleep with the light on in the bedroom.  I am not even joking about that, alien abduction scares me to death.  I think its because if that ever did happen, no one is coming to save you, no one knows where the fuck you are.  You are getting probed and there ain't nothing you can do about it.

Some people think aliens have been visiting our planet for thousands of years.  The ancient Sumerians had an incredible understanding of our solar system, and the carved relief they left behind includes figures that appear to be in space suits and rockets and stuff like that. 

See?  Some people think these carvings (in the British museum) are actually alien beings that visited humans hundreds of years ago to help with building shit.  Cause they don't have anything else to do except help a struggling race eek out an existence.

"Hey, Alien 1 (we're calling him that because we can't pronounce his name in English) what you doing later?"

"Ted (his name is actually Ted, weird huh?), I'm just chilling, why?"

"Want to go to a tiny planet in the Milky Way and help out a primitive race with menial tasks?"

"Boy, do I ever!"

In this picture the aliens have a space ship.  

Conclusions from this?  My five year old niece Brooke has better art skills than the ancient Sumerians.

Regardless, some people believe that those helper aliens are coming back in 2012.  

I'm actually not going to talk about how silly I think this is.  Let's talk about how people would react.

So yeah, 2012 comes and the aliens come back.  I have a bad feeling they would end up being a fad, like the iPad.  For about a week if you saw someone with one on the subway you'd turn to your friend and be all, 'Dude, that guy has an iPad!  Cool!'.  But now when you see one you turn to your friend and be all, 'Ug, what a poser, working on an iPad on the subway!  Douche!'. 

See, after about a month of being in awe of aliens, we'd be all, 'Alien, move your spaceship!  You're blocking my car!  Can't you read the sign, no parking on Tuesdays and Thursdays!  Stupid aliens, can't even read English.'

I'd still be terrified of them. 

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