Wednesday, May 18, 2011

We Won't Find Out What Happens On Dancing With The Stars!

Ok, so it has come to my attention recently that this Saturday will be the end of the world.  

First off, I find it odd that I am only finding out about this now.

Last night I was working a catering event, and an amazing (and I mean amazing, she was incredible) middle aged Jamaican woman name Dolores who asked me if I was ready for the Rapture on Saturday.  I told her that I didn't think that was going to happen.  I was then treated to an explanation of what's going to happen and to be ready for global earthquakes that will render the earth uninhabitable.

A gentleman by the name of Robert Fitzpatrick has written a book that you can buy on Ebay or download for free here (?) that explains his whole theory.  I will warn you, the adobe file is 384 pages long.

I am a relatively intelligent human being.  For some reason, when someone using scientific fact and evidence I find myself being convinced.  When a person uses extensive and obscure Bible quotes to prove a point, I find myself being skeptical.  Especially when they are quotes that don't seem to mean anything.

Things like - "Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober."  Now, that could mean all kinds of things.  Good ol' Robert here is using this as a sign to be vigilant in watching and waiting for the End of Days.  But maybe this was written by someone who was against sleep and partying.  You know, Jesus.

He wrote the Bible, right?

Also, he (Fitzpatrick, not Jesus) isn't really specific.  I mean, should I be ready at midnight for shit to go down?  Do I have a little bit of time in the morning to make the bed and feed the cats before the earth is wracked with heaves and crushing scariness?  If not, no worries, I just want to know what I have time for.

In addition, this guy has spent his life savings - about $140,000 - on billboards, subway ads, and other kinds of commercials and advertising to let people know about the 21st.  

He has convinced OTHER people this is going to happen, there are caravans of people traveling around spreading the word.

I have to say, for his sake, I kinda hope he's right.  I mean, this is not something you can really recover from.  Being wrong about the end of the world is kind of big.  And spending all your money to tell everyone?  I guess its good that he believes so much, this is the type of thing when you should go big or go home.  

Isn't there a whole part of that whole God thing where He likes it better if you are quietly penitent then hugely demonstrative parishioners?

Honestly, the extent of my religious knowledge has come from The Ten Commandments and Jesus Christ Superstar.

Oddly, I've gotten by pretty well on just that information.   

What is this guy gonna do after Saturday?  Even if the world ends on Sunday he's going to be a laughing stock!  You can't be all - um, yeah, I meant Sunday!  The 22nd!  Yeah, that's what I mean!  Did you think I said the 21st?  That was a typo!

The only job he would be suited for after this would be a weather man - everyone is so used to those guys being wrong. 

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