Wednesday, May 18, 2011

It's A Good Thing I Don't Have Magical Powers

My James and our friends recently saw Thor in theaters.  Let me say that it was excellent fun and you and all your friends should all see it too.  My boy Ken did me proud.

Not to give away anything, but, as with all the super hero movies, there is an easter egg after the credits.  

If you haven't seen Thor yet, look away!

************SPOILER ALERT!************

At the end of Thor we find Stellan Skarsgard and Samuel L. Jackson in some presumably underground/top secret/confidential/underwater/in some secluded area.  Sammy L is acting all secretive and mysterious and Stellan is trying to keep things light and non-I'm-gonna-kill-you-after-I-tell-you.  

Sam takes out a briefcase (very Pulp Fiction) which opens to reveal THE CUBE OF POWER.  Apparently its this cube that's a really powerful source of unlimited power.

************END OF SPOILER ALERT!************

Has there ever been a "THING OF LIMITED POWER"?  Was there ever a super hero or god who searched and quested for an idol that could blow up, like, four things every twelve hours and must be left in the sun to recharge?  Or a mirror that would bestow the gazer with 50% less acne than they had previously.  Or a scrub brush that, after the correct words had been said over it, it would clean your house - but not the bathroom.  You know, the under-achieving objects in the magical universe.  

I feel like those less desirable magical or powerful objects must be the creator's first attempt at making an object of ultimate-ness.  You know, they had just graduated from Magical Crafting School and they had made one thesis object to graduate but had never actually done one all on their own.  Most start out with slightly mediocre projects, but there are a few stand outs who make something really unique on their first go at it.

Remind you of anything?

There has got to be a Mystical Closet of Forgetting somewhere that holds all the objects that have been created and immediately regretted.  Like, the Holy Fork of Reflux which makes the back of the holder's mouth taste slightly of throw-up.  Or the Blanket of Phoenix Down, which keeps you warm, but always makes you sweaty.   Or the Coin Bank of Legend, that always spits pennies back at you, regardless of what you put in it.  Obviously no one would attempt to make these things, so they would all have to be mistakes, and no one wants anyone knowing about their mistakes.

Or what about objects that were just supposed to be practice and ended up being completely ultimate?  Maybe that's why objects like cubes and rings and books tend to be imbued with awesome power.  It was just practice, so the creator was all, "Ok, I'll just practice on that slightly interesting looking rock.  It's not going to end up being anything."

See, if I was a Creator of Magical Things, I would make stuff that was all powerful, but really annoying to use. Like the Ill-Fitting Suit of Awesomeness.  One sleeve is always shorter than the other, its made of heavy wool so you're all uncomfortable and itchy.  There would be Shoes of the Universe - two left feet of course.  Or the Sphere of Planetary Cosmic-ness - all the power of the universe, but just big enough to to make it incredibly awkward to hold.

Huh, I made it all the way through that blog without referencing any sex toys.

Aw, crap.

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