Sorry For Writing The Obvious Today, But This Was All I Had

This is such an odd time of year.  It always feels a little bit like limbo.  We aren't waiting for Thanksgiving or Christmas, there has been the first snows so that precipitation is no longer magical and the cold weather only makes us long for spring.

However, this is the time of year when I find everyone is obsessed with the weather.  

Its as if what mother nature throws at us is all we have to hang onto.  It ranks right up there with sports - there is such an element of uncertainty to what comes hurtling from the skies that we are glued to the weather channel, desperate for predictions of the future.  And it is so rare that anyone is right.  I don't know why they give specific times for things.  For example, today the snow wasn't supposed to start until 3 pm (according to weather.com) and the snow began falling around 8 am.  Why not just say, shit's gonna go down sometime today, get milk and toilet paper.

There is something about snow, no matter how many times I see it fall or how much comes bucketing down, it is always magical.  I recall being in grade school and dancing around the dining room table with my pajamas inside out to implore snow, to get that snow day.  

I'll have you know I caused the blizzard of '96 with this method.

I feel like the cold and the snow didn't bother me as much when I was younger as they do now.  I would bound out into the woods behind our house with no thought to how cold the air was or how wet my mittens were going to become.  I honestly think it has everything to do with snow pants. 

Those things are fantastic, but they don't make them for adults.  Totes unfair, that is an untapped market!  How many of us want to go frolic (sound it out) in the snow and have epic snow fights, but don't want to have to go outside in jeans?  I'm gonna go with a shit-ton, that's how many!  And NO ONE is taking advantage of this market?  

If not for my love of acting and my complete ineptness in the ways of business, I would totally take advantage of that.

On a side not, Clash of the Titans (the new one) is a terrible film that completely destroys the myths involved and is incredibly disrespectful to the film its owes homage to.  Unacceptable.  Even Liam Neeson couldn't save this movie.  And is it just me, or is there something strange seeing Liam and Ralph Fiennes acting together again in such an abstract way?  After the performances they gave in Schindler's List, I would think they would choose something more grand to team up again.

Oh well, what do I know.

English Doesn't Make Sense

I have found recently that I have problems with the way people talk.  Of course, correct grammar and malapropisms are always bothersome, but colloquialisms have begun to grate on me.  Mostly because we don't ever think about what we are saying.  Someone who doesn't speak English who hears us saying these things must think we are complete assholes.  Not to mention that many of these sayings are direct excuses to BE a complete asshole.

Let's begin, shall we . . 

• "Let me be honest with you . . ."

This is a prime example of  being an asshole.  This implies that you (the speaker) were not being honest to begin with.  Thank you, yes, finally!  Be honest with me!  Enough with your lies!  The truth will set you free!

• "The truth will set you free."

Ok, we know this isn't true!  How many movies have we seen where the exact opposite has happened?  And, as we all know, movies only tell the truth.  Didn't everyone see the new A-Team movie?  Its the whole reason they left the opening for a sequel, because of the truth the imprisoned them!  And to give an excuse to show Liam Neeson being an ass-kicker again.

• "It's always in the last place you look."

I don't know about you, but I always keep looking for stuff AFTER I've found it.  Of course it's in the last place you look!  Even if it was in the FIRST place you looked it will still be the LAST place!  Why would you keep looking?  Ok, maybe if you're an old person and you forgot you found something you might keep looking, but that's a specialized chase and this saying wouldn't apply in any case.

• "Listen . . ."

My father says this to me all the time when I talk to him on the phone to emphasize that what he is about to say is important.  I am on the phone with you.  OF COURSE I AM LISTENING TO YOU.  What else would I be doing?  If I was in the middle of an extremely sensitive chemical experiment, I probably wouldn't be calling home for a chat.

• "Near miss."

Let's take a moment to examine this phrase, short as it maybe.  Wouldn't a near miss be a hit?  Just think about it.

• "Strictly prohibited."

Because just regularly prohibited isn't enough.  

• "This is just a shot in the dark . . ."

This implies one of three things.  A - That you have no idea what the crap you are talking about.  B - That you are a condescending jerk who is attempting to make someone feel bad.  C - That you are about to do something extremely dangerous and you have no business carrying a gun.

• "It's like shooting fish in a barrel . . . "

This just leaves me with all kinds of questions.  Why would you be shooting fish in a barrel?  How many fish are in the barrel?  Is there water in the barrel?  Are the fish alive?  Why are the fish in the barrel to begin with?  If you have the fish in a barrel, why are you shooting them?  It's just excessive.

• "It'll be a piece of cake . . . "

Unless someone made the cake for you or you made crappy cake from a box, cake isn't all that easy to come by.  Does the cake have icing?  That's more work!  At least if you want it to be good.  And what if the person you are making the cake for is lactose intolerant?  You have to get special ingredients to make everything work.  Cake doesn't just magically appear!

• "You can't have your cake and eat it too . . ."

Um, yeah you can.  You're just upset cause you have to make cake for someone who's lactose intolerant!

• "Very last."

How can something be more last than something else?  COME ON, GUYS!

 . . . 

See what I did there by making that the last one?

Six Foot, Seven Foot, Eight Foot BUNCH

I have a photographic memory.

At least I think I do. I remember things in pictures, say if I am memorizing lines I can see where they are on the page in my head.

As a result, instead of getting songs stuck in my head, I get scenes from movies stuck in my head.

For example, I can watch a movie once or twice and I can replay the entire movie back in my head. Let’s take the astoundingly fantastic film Rob Roy. Many people who have seen it could recall the pinnacle scene between Liam Neeson and Jessica Lange. They may even recall the lines – “How fine you are to me.”; “And you to me!”. But can they remember the way Liam Neeson gazes at his wife, as injured as he is, wounded to the soul, the way he holds her face in his hands as she is his only salvation. Can they remember the little gasp of joy that escapes from Jessica Lange before she says her line as she realizes that her dearest husband still loves her as much as ever, even more for her strength and courage. Her relief and joy are palpable in each breath and word. How about the way the firelight shines off her hair, or the single tear that falls from her eye in the beginning of her line?

With all this in my head, what scene is it that keeps replaying over and over in my head?

Remember the scene from Beetle Juice when Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis make everyone at the dinner table dance to the song “Daylight Come and Me Want To Go Home”?

Yeah. That one.