Monday, April 25, 2011

*brushes away the dust* Now Where Where We?

Ok, I think it's time to say it.  After years of staying quiet I am going to dispell the myth and declare that all naysayers can go shit in their collective hats.

It's not easy being skinny.

Full disclosure.  I am a 5 foot 4 inches, white, mid-twenties female with brown hair, big brown eyes and the last time I went to the OB-GYN I weighed 108 lbs.  I'm not sure what I weigh now because we don't have a scale in the apartment, but all my clothes still fit.  Admittedly some have even gotten too bug and were relinquished to the Salvation Army on Steinway.

I've heard it all before.  "You can't complain, you're so thin."  "Skinny people don't have the same problems we do."  "Can I have the rest of your dinner?  You aren't going to eat it anyway."

I am here to say I CAN complain, I may not have the same problems, but problems still exist, and NO, I'M EATING THAT.

I am here to proudly proclaim that we skinny bitches don't have it as easy as you more well-endowed bitches think.

For example, fat people ALWAYS pick us to sit next too.  On subways and buses we are targets for those among the populous that have a feeding schedule that would make a hobbit blush.  Today, I was returning to New York City from visiting my family in Virginia.  A rather large female sat next to me, taking up all of her seat and half of mine.  She proceeded to sleep and snore throughout the ride, and occasionally her hand would slip from her lap and gently graze the top of my thigh, like a 14-year-old boy trying to get lucky in a movie theater. 

As I got up from my seat when the trip blessedly ended, I began searching my seat for my belongings.  Suddenly a voice in my head piped up.  It said, "Your dignity stays here, my friend.  Exit the bus."

I could not argue.

I exited the bus.

Clothes never fit.  I know you are going to say they don't fit for us either, but see, this is different.  Because most of the population is more in the middle when it comes to sizes, clothing companies don't order much in the smaller side of sizes.  So if we don't get to the store the day stuff comes in, some other skinny bitch will snag it.

And being skinny isn't exactly easy.  I don't eat anything the contains dairy, which means all manner of delicious desserts and whatnot are forbidden, no alcohol and I do Bikram Yoga - a practice wherein you burn somewhere from 600-800 calories in a single class.  Its not like I am sitting on my ass living on juice and a single slice of cucumber a day.

Sometimes I even have to watch that I don't loose too much weight.

How much am I frustrating you?

And we are always cold!  I guess if you can take solace in anything, if we were stranded on a mountain top somewhere, we would starve first, and our well-muscled haunches would probably be delicious.

So yes, remember that the thinies around you have problems when it comes to weight. 

Aren't you proud of me?  I didn't call anyone fat this entire post.

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