Kung Fu Panda 2 Will Also Be Awesome

Ok, guys, let's review the best and the worst of the Super Bowl ads.

Most of the forgettable/repeated/car commercials I am going to ignore, cause I don't really remember them anyway.

Pug Love Doritos:

• This is honestly the first commercial I clearly remember for a couple of reasons.  It was adorable, first off, and I called the ending as it was happening.  What really stood out about it was that I knew the dog was not going to be hurt by the door and the evil boyfriend was going to get his due for trying to hurt him, but I didn't know exactly how.  At first I thought he was just going to break through the glass, but I was very pleased and even laughed at the result.  It was exactly what a Super Bowl commercial should have been, light and funny, not too challenging, but clever at the same time.  

Doritos Heal All

• I was super pleased with this commercial, too.  Again, clever, told a good story in a short amount of time, and the ending had a nice twist to it bring the dead grandfather back to life.  Again, you could see it happening, but the pay off was great, and when the two hugged I had to giggle that granddad was still dusty from being cremated.

Homeaway.Com: Vacation Homes

• This commercial was just an excuse to throw a baby at a pane of glass.  The rest of the commercial was highly forgettable, but the fake baby hitting the glass while an insistent British man labeled it "TEST BABY!" was wonderful.

Either Eminen commercials

• Both of these bothered me because in the first he was all, "I hate commercials, I never do them."  But dude, you are in a commercial, and then he was in another!  You are not a man of your word, Mr Slim Shady.  Sit down.

Snickers: Lumberjacks

• This just terrified me to see Roseanne making money doing anything again.  That woman has to be one of the most frightening, awful creatures.  Honestly, that's the only thing I remember about the commercial.  Fear seared it into my brain.

Budweiser: Wild West

• This could have been really great.  But Tiny Dancer as the song?  No good.  It was too weird.  It should have been Sweet Caroline or something like that.  A song that everyone would have instinctively known.  People only remember the chorus of Tiny Dancer, and only then if they've seen Almost Famous a bunch of times.

Stella Artois: Crooner

• Very odd, because Adrian Brody's nose is too big for anyone to honestly look past to see an attractive man.  Just saying, let's be honest here.  It's as plain as the nose on his face.

Chevy Silverado: Rescue

• This is an example of a Super Bowl commercial that was trying to be clever.  Man, it was trying so hard to be clever.  And it just fell flat.  It gave away the twist in the very beginning, so even though they continually upped the ante, it never really changed cause we got the joke already.

Volkswagen Passat: Young Vader

•  This was a really cute commercial, even though there could have been a midget in that outfit and not a adorable kid, as we were all led to believe.  But yeah, cute.

Groupon: Fuck Tibet

• Apparently, Timothy Hutton says let the Tibetan people continue to lead an awful existence, allow their culture and their people be oppressed - as long as we fat Americans can eat their food cheaply.  Really low class, Groupon.  And I was just thinking of joining but fuck that now. 

 Chevy Cruze: More Useless Shit For Your Useless Life

• So, yeah, now with this car we can check facebook while driving and have a computer read it outloud to us.  Cause more distractions while driving is acceptable.  In fact, let's put a small kitchenette in there, voice activated of course, so we can make breakfast on the way to work.  That actually strikes me as more useful than checking your fucking FACEBOOK.  People who want to check their facebooks that much can't afford cars cause they don't have jobs cause they stay at home all day on FACEBOOK.

Audi A8: Prison Break

• Any commercial that makes fun of old rich white people, Kenny G and uses the word 'hoodwinked' makes me happy.

Bridgestone: Reply All

• Screaming guy goes on a rampage destroying electronics.  Unfortunately, I didn't really remember it was for tires, but I did remember him running up the steps of a building slapping phones out of people's hands.  I kinda want to run around New York doing that tomorrow.

Pepsi: Love Hurts

• This was just an excuse to show a black couple harassing a blond white girl.  And it was HILARIOUS.  I want to run around New York throwing Pepsi at annoying white girls who aren't me.

Those are the ones that really stick out to me.  Most of the commercials this year really suffered from trying very hard to be clever and failing, mostly because they were trying so hard.  The best Super Bowl commercials have always been the ones that flow effortlessly forward, that have a simple, relate-able story that then have a clever twist at the end.  Like the way we all wish M. Night Shyamalan's movies would be, but always fail to achieve.     

And for the record, Cowboys vs. Aliens is going to fucking ROCK.